You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
