just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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