I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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