I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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