I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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