i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
