OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
