I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
