She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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