u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
