Heybabeimwearingurpanties
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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