A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont even know how to be here
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
