oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
