In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
