Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i now understand why vodka
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
