u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
