I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
