True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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