You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Randomize