LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
