things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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