I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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