i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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