Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
