Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
