i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish you could order shots online.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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