I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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