I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
