guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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