I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
