I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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