any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
