screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize