My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
