drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
