i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
