She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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