If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
