Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
