he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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