new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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