I am puke
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
