I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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