I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Enjoy the penises
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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