So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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