So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
