I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
