Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
