My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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