I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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