I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
