Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
