I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
