Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was like eating out sand paper
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
