things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just google imaged poop.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ttyl tear gas
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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