We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
