Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
