It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
