Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you win again, gameday.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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