I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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