At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you never un-have a 4some
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
