I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize