it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
