We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
