It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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