i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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