3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
