I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
