I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
