Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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