operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
