i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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