Swine flu. Run for my life!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
