When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
